My lost little one..

We have been married for 2 years and one of the commonest questions that we got was obviously “dah pregnant?” I was so sad (and angry at the same time) and thought who wouldn’t want a baby? Why do you have to ask this mean question to me? We have been trying for baby (VERY HARD, mind you) since we were officially man and wife and would definitely announced it to the world if we were expecting!

I was a bit worried as my ovulation test that I did several times show that I was not ovulating. Have I been having anovulatory cycle all this while and should I be taking clomid (at the same time trying really hard to remember Dr Noriah’s physiology lecture..)? I was anxious and did some blood tests as part of infertility work up and thank God they all turned out to be normal. Finally, I have come to the term that ‘it’s all God’s will, if we meant to be parents, then it will just happen naturally’..I just make sure that I eat healthily, stayed fit (does swimming on potato couch counts?) and stayed stress-free (I couldn’t be bothered to even remember on my LMP)..

Finally, in August 2009, I noticed that Ms Flow was unusually late and to my surprise, my UPT was weakly positive (but there was definitiely 2 lines there that it was able to be captured on camera).. I was super excited and told Ahmad immediately and obviously he was overjoyed by the happy news. Both of us can’t wait to be papa and mama.. yay..

Shortly after that, I was faced with a bad news. I had fresh painless PV bleed when I was about 5 weeks pregnant.. while I was doing my oncall! Was it stress? I went to see a friend of mine in OnG department straight away and TV scan showed that there was no intrauterine gestational sac.. Isk..Isk..Sedihnya.. She consoled me (..probably it was an implantation bleed..), prescribed duphaston and gave me a week off from work. I still bled (a lot, and not just spotting) for the next 1 week; my gut feeling told me that the pregnancy was not viable and my 2nd scan at 6 weeks confirmed my fear. I had a complete miscarriage. My heart was broken into pieces but I still remembered Ahmad kind words to me “ Takpe Mxx, kita cuba lagi ya.” Okay, sayang.. after this let’s go all out ya!